do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
