it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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