How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
