tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
