I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize