The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
