I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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