My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
