ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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