Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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