We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
