It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
