We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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