Already got asked if we're dating
This is not my ceiling
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
