one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
