Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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