My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i love accidental penises.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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