highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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