I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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