He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
