my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize