I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
