Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
