I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
