We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
