I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
