Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
