i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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