I heard we made out
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
