How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
