I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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