Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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