Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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