I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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