YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
