he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
