i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
