you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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