Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
