I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
