My hand turned me down
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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