I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
