OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
