they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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