He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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