Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
