You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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