Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
