I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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