Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
