last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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