I just threw up on my dentist
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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