I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
