He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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