Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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